Recently I published a new tutorial. It was the Hilal beaded bead, and as every one of my designs, this one has a story, too. I will copy that part here, so you don’t have to look for it.
The rest of the tutorial you can find here.
Because of this tutorial with the personal story some of you asked what happened and if I am well now. (I love you, guys!) While I don’t want to go into details about the past months, I would like to share with you some of the lessons I learned. There are plenty of them.
I.
Good communication is everything.
And the best thing you can do is to stand out for yourself, when necessary,
and share your opinion, because yes, it matters.
I come from a little village with quiete conservative values. Sure, there are some benefits beyond the ability to tell a goose from a duck, but the simple thing of telling “no” when you don’t like how things are going or you don’t agree, and also the opposite, to shout “Yes! Yes! Yes!” if you feel so and tell the others why, sadly weren’t among them. Instead of that for a girl it was a virtue to keep quiet and don’t differ or disturb with an opinion, so everything can go smooth.
II.
There is nothing wrong with accepting a compliment .
For women all over the world the expectad reaction on a honourable mention is the automatic: “no, you are too kind, it wasn’t so complicated.” I find the simple sounding words “thank you” very hard to say in such a situation, too. I’ve never heard that from my mum or my grandmother, and it’s not easy to break the line. But I think somebody finally has to begin.
III.
I’m a nice person. But I can kick asses.
I love my friends and my family, and enjoy my work and all the comings and goings every day. I like to smile. I like to go to the nature to walk until I can. To sit down with my friends, have a glass of wine and talk about just anything stupid what comes to our minds or about some really important stuff, too. I love to give a kiss in the morning and to prepare breakfast for my loved one.
And well, even if I really hate those situations, sometimes I have to stand up for myself and kick some asses. Or at least swear once or twice to let go the frustration. And I think that’s all right, isn’t it?
IV.
Sometimes I may seem like kicking asses, but I am a nice person.
Even if I try to play nice, sometimes I meet people with whom I simply can’t get along. There can be different approaches and differing worldviews, misunderstanding or mere bad moods, unlucky days and decisions. Even if I try again and again, even if the other one tries, too. Sometimes it just simply doesn’t work, and one of us or both of us can have a bed feeling about the other and about the situation which it all evolved into.
And that’s all right, if we resign before getting too desperate. I still believe you that other is a nice person. And while I know I have a lot to learn, and I try to take away something from every not-so-fortunate situation, I do not think I am a bad person now. We are not going to be close friends. That’s all. And there’s nothing wrong with it.
V.
Sometimes you can help me by keeping distance.
All kinds of nasty things happen in life. And it’s awesome to have a close friend who is standing by your side, no matter what. Still, it can happen, that standing a bit further helps more. To learn, that the feet are strong enough to stand on their own, and also, that standing without support doesn’t equal standing alone.
Also, let’s learn to ask the question “How can I help you?” instead of doing what we automatically think is right, or what we think we wold need in the same situation. Because every one of us is different. But every one of us can stand on their own, if we believe in ourselves and have the chance to try.
VI.
You have to learn to be alone.
In every possible situation. And keep the balance, my friend.
There are a lot of scary things in life. Illnesses, heights, spiders, snakes and many more. Some of them are the cause of reasonable fears, another ones are not entirely rationalistic, even if they seem so. None of them should be ignored, but every one of them should be fought with.
Being alone seems quiete a common one, and yes, it seems frightening, especially if you have always shared the household with somebody else – a member of the family, a friend or your spouse. But it’s scary only until you realise, that it’s not a shame and not something which tells about your value. And yes, it definitely has its ups, not only downsides.
Because enjoying life and being yourself is something you decide to do. And you can make the decision even if you don’t agree with the circumstances.
VII.
It’s not the current stage of your life you have to fight.
It’s the fear of the new situation.
Sometimes you just realise, that you can do absolutely nothing to change the circumstances. Even if you are a wonderwoman. (And you are, believe me.) You can’t erase the diagnosys – but you can try to lead a healthier lifestyle. You can’t change the feelings of that important guy or girl – but you can decide to be an independent, strong person. You will not become a Lara Croft instantly, of course. But you can also decide to be patient enough with your own pace, to enjoy the improvements and to learn from the mistakes.
VIII.
I don’t care if you think I am strange.
But I will listen to you if you are a true friend.
Criticism is all around us, in our everyday life and in the virtual world, too. Some of it is motivating and recharging our energy, even if it’s pointing out a mistake we made. And well, some of it just kills the mood and the muse, too. Criticism has to be the equivalent of help, not the intension to hurt or get revange for a real or imagined insult. It is a try to help to improve or solve a situation, and an offer of a different opinion.
If it comes with good intension and accepted with an open mind and heart, we can be friend even if we haven’t seen each other for a long time, or have never met in the offline world. Otherwise it’s just a hateful sting and should be ignored.
IX.
Life is good. Even if it looks ugly at the moment.
I hate cliché. I love honest, true and unique words coming from a real person, not from a romantic collection of quotes. However, I have to confess, that there is one saying I use as a mantra lately. And it is the following: it will pass away. I use it whenever I feel bad, and also when everything seems alright. It helps me to get through difficulties and makes me appreciate the sunny days more. It’s also a good source of motivation and energy. To try to be patient, when life seems blue, and also to try to make every day special and memorable. And life is beautiful, until this passion to have the most of it and to repair what is broken is alive.
X.
Keep going.
Even if it’s hard and even if it hurts.
“It will pass away” is one thing I keep telling myself, and this is another sentence which, well, keeps me going. Believe me, it works just perfectly when going up a mountain with a 12 kg backpack for three days, when feeling totally lost between life’s less funny turns, or both.
By feeling really bad actually I learned a lot more than these ten things. And even if I found my way again, I am still learning. Hopefully, will do for the rest of my life, too.
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